HJ Mack and Zach's story - chapter 7 - bellflower

TW - mentions of abuse

I grind my hips into Zach’s, enjoying the way he groans into the kiss as our erections touch through the fabric of our clothes. It’s been so long since I’ve been this close with someone that I was beginning to forget how it felt to do these things with someone I like, someone who hasn’t betrayed me time and time again.

Zach kisses me again, but it’s softer, gentler this time. “Mack, I’m sorry because I know this is the worst time to tell you, when we’re both tipsy and also horny, but I really like you. I just um, I just wanted to tell you that,” he says, the affection in his voice as wonderful as a bellflower.

I caress his cheek before kissing his forehead, smoothing his ginger curls to the side. “I like you too, but I’ll warn you, it’s been ages since I’ve felt like this, so I don’t really know what’s happening to me,” I say with a slight chuckle before Zach presses his lips to mine again.

I deepen the kiss, reaching down to palm his erection through his jeans, eliciting a gorgeous groan. Zach bucks his hips into mine as his tongue roams my mouth, and fuck being with him feels so good, the time I spend with Zach just feels…right.

Sliding my hand up Zach’s shirt, I rub my thumb across his nipple before pinching it, twisting it between my fingers as I continue grinding into him, wanting to make Zach feel good.

Now there’s two reasons for this. A nice reason, and a really fucking unpleasant one.

The nice reason is that this is Zach, and I want him to enjoy himself with me. The unpleasant reason is that I’m still slightly scared that if I don’t make him feel good, he’ll hit me. I know he won’t, but I still can’t quite shake off that feeling, the feeling I was all too familiar with when he and I were together.

So I do my best to make sure that Zach has a good time as I suck at his chest and stroke his erection through his clothes. I pull back, unzipping his jeans before looking up again. “Can I touch you?” I ask as Zach nods hurriedly, his face bright pink and his expression the goddamn sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

“You’ve been touching me for a while now but go ahead,” he whispers with a breathy laugh that turns into a moan as I wrap my hand around his cock and squeeze slightly as I pump his length. Before, I wouldn’t have hesitated to blow him, but the thought of choking keeps me from ever doing that again. Just the thought is triggering enough.

Instead, I put my mouth to work on Zach’s chest whilst his hand teases through my hair, his fingers gliding against my skull and sending shivers down my spine. We change positions at some point so that Zach is sitting in my lap, his arms gripping my shoulders because whenever he tries to put them around my neck I quickly put them on my shoulders, and after a while, Zach stops trying to put them around my neck.

I have Zach right about to come when he grabs my hand. “Wait,” he gasps into my ear, kissing the side of my head softly. “Can we- can we have sex?” He asks and I pull back from him slightly. “That sounds like a terrible idea, I mean we’re both tipsy, what if one of us forgets or something?” I ask, despite always remembering everything unless I literally pass out drunk.

Zach nods, kissing the side of my mouth and rolling his hips into mine. “I know, it really is a bad idea. So. You want to fuck or not?” He asks, resting his head on his shoulder. Sighing, I give in to my feelings once again.

Luckily Zach has everything we need and I’m a big boy who always remembers to bring a condom in his wallet so despite us being different sizes, we’re literally all ready to go. Zach continues sitting on my lap as I prepare him, reaching my arms around his ass and pushing a lubed-up finger against his entrance.

It turns out that it’s been a while since Zach last had sex, as his last relationship was a year ago and he hasn’t slept with anyone since. When he asks how long it’s been since I last had sex, I don’t even answer him.

I know. That’s how shitty I was being, yet another mistake added to the list of ‘things Macaidan messed up on’ for this night. It’s a fucking long list.

I finish preparing Zach and he puts the condom on for me, which is nice of him. He’s literally been his sweet self this entire time, whilst I’ve just been a massive mess. Zach is going to be so disappointed in me.

“Still a yes?” I ask him quietly, stroking his cheek. Zach smiles, kissing me affectionately before replying. “Yes. Still a yes from you?” He asks, and it takes me a moment to wonder how long has it been since I had a say in whether he and I did something or not?

“Yes,” I breathe out after a moment, never realising how relieving that one word could be when I actually mean it.

Cupping Zach’s ass, I slowly line myself up with his entrance before pushing in slowly and checking for pain. I want him to enjoy this. Despite all the mistakes I’ve made tonight, if I can at least make sure it’s a nice experience for him…

And he seems ok. He’s in a bit of pain, but he’s also still tipsy and seems to be alright. Or at least, he’s alright from another tipsy guy’s perspective, so. Not sure what that counts for.

When Zach gives me the ok to move, I slowly pull out of him, kissing along his neck as I lace our fingers together before using my other hand to pull him down towards me at the same time as I thrust upwards into him.

Zach moans into my mouth as we kiss, his sounds getting me more and more into the act as we pleasure each other, his walls tight around me as I thrust upwards again, grunting into his ear

I’ll admit, it doesn’t take me long to come. It’s been over three years since I last had sex, and it’s not like I was ever enjoying it back then; I was too afraid of saying no, too afraid of doing something wrong and getting hit.

But this is completely different. Zach keeps kissing me softly and stroking through my hair, if only he knew how much he was helping me right now. But he’ll never know, because I can’t tell him. He can’t know about my crazy, abusive ex who is in jail for trying to strangle me to death.

Zach can’t know. Zach can’t find out about this.

And so I make the biggest mistake of my life: as soon as Zach falls asleep, I leave. And I don’t talk to him again.